Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
