my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
