oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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