I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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