"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
