Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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