Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
