He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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