So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
