in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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