I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
