That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My ATM looks so different sober.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
