Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
