Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
