I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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