did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
