If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
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Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize