everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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