I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
