Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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