um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
