Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
