If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
