What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I love you. Go after that dick
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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