my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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