sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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