I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
