dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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