Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
