I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
