you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
