my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
