i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
