so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
