Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
