Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
