Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Barsexuality is the new black.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
