Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
