I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
