we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
