just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My Sexting was not on an AP level
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
