You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
