Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
