I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
