he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
