toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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