I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So much Jack, so little girl.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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