I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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