Im at strip club and am horny
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
