when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
