I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
