This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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