The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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