Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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