Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
