i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
