We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
