Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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