New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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