When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
