Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
