you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
