I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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