U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
