"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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