does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
one two three fourrrrnication!
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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