apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
