Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
